Articles by Haven Raines

• Switching from Telling to Showing – Can it really be done?
• Transitions
• Revisions

Switching from Telling to Showing – Can it really be done?

Every author has heard the rule that you should SHOW, not TELL, but this concept seems to be among the hardest for beginners to master.

Both showing and telling convey the same information but in different ways.

Why is showing better?

• Showing creates mental pictures for the reader.
• Showing is interactive and participatory: it forces the reader to become involved in the story, deducing facts (such as Mary's age) for himself or herself, rather than just taking information in passively.

Are there any times when telling is better than showing?

• Writing the first draft
  • You need to get the sequence of events and relationships between characters
  • Crafting descriptions may cause you to lose side of the big picture
• Some parts of a story are trivial
• You may want your reader to know a fact, without dwelling on it.
  • If the weather is only incidental to the story, then it's perfectly all right to simply tell the reader "it was snowing."
  • If you were to show every little thing, the reader would say your story is padded.
• You can use less words
  • Note that showing usually requires more words than telling.
• Outlines for novels.
• Synopses

Telling is:

• Requires less words than showing
• Communicating facts only: Ex: Catherine was 21 and beautiful.
• The reliance on simple exposition: Ex: Margaret was a old lady.
• Giving information in a dull and lifeless manner
• Leaving the reader uninvolved
• Leaving out the action, emotion, and sensory detail
• Using excessive emotional qualifiers: fearless, angry, tender, overjoyed, anguished, devastated, tenderly, joyfully, angrily, frightened, etc

Showing is:

• Requires more words than telling
• The power of suggestion
• Painting a picture
• Showing emotion
• Focusing your attention on your viewpoint character’s perceptive senses through eyes, ears, nose, mouth, and skin
• A way to stimulate the reader's imagination so she can project herself into the scene and become a part of it.
• Makes the reader believe in your story.
• A series of small action-reaction events (eg, physical motions) that create the context for that emotion.
• Involves more than a long list of adjectives that actually advance the story.
• Invites understanding
• Using specific details to breathe life into your story.
• The use of evocative description: Margaret moved slowly across the room, her hunched form supported by a polished wooden cane gripped in a gnarled, swollen-jointed hand that was covered by translucent, liver-spotted skin.
  • Pick out only those details that matter.
  • Does the detail help establish or intensify the mood?
  • Does it define a character?
  • Clarify an action?
  • Use physical action, facial expression, and dialogue to convey a vivid picture.
  • Does it enable the reader to reach a particular conclusion?
  • Show smoke, and let the reader infer fire.
• Makes a scene come alive
• Uses dialog:
  • Use modified speech to show a character's regional or ethnic origin
• Gives the reader a reason to feel the emotions you want to express
  • Don’t simply name the feelings, find a way to generate the same feelings in your reader.
  • Leave the reader to figure out what's going on
  • Show a series of different details that come together to form a pattern – don’t come right out and announce what the pattern means.

Transitions

Transitions are very important to avoid confusion for the reader!

Break Transition –

• At the end of a chapter:
• Begin each new chapter with an immediate signal of time, place, and viewpoint character
• Within a chapter:
• Double space or a centered line of one or more asterisks
• Be consistent throughout your manuscript

Word Picture Transition –

• Use a word picture to jump over time and space within a scene
• Ex:

“I’ll meet you in the garden after lunch,” Trace whispered in her ear.

When Rachel got to the garden, Trace hadn’t arrived yet. She sat under the trellis telling herself she didn’t care if he stood her up.

Concept Transition –

• Introduce a new concept and use it as a bridge to the next scene
• Ex:

In one chapter, your characters are discussing the idea of having a baby.

The next chapter begins: He opened the door to the Fertility Clinic in Winterpark, Florida and ushered her inside.

Narrative Bridge Transition

• When you want your reader to be aware of passing time and what happened between the scenes
• Use words like a wide angle camera, showing big hunks of time and geographical leaps
• Use to describe a place but not the exact details of boring arrival or departure

REVISIONS

At the RWA Conference 2008, I focused on revision because I finished my manuscript (whoopee!) and with insight from my wonderful critique group, I knew I must revise. I learned a lot. I found there are differing views on how the process should be handled but everyone focused on important aspects of the process. Hope this is helpful!

Revisions AREN’T just (Bigger Than Botox, E. MCkay & R. Dehart):

• Proofreading
• Line Editing
• Verb strengthening, adverb and adjective trimming
• Spell-checking
• Fixing POV

Revisions ARE:

• Time for major surgery!
• Taking a book that is flat-lining and giving it a heart transplant!
• Jack Bickham “Good novels aren’t written. They’re rewritten and revised.”
• Margery Allingham in Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the Selling Writer. “I write everything 4 times: one to get my meaning down, one to put in everything I left out, one to take out everything that seems unnecessary, and ones to make the whole thing sound as if I had only just thought of it.”

Lisa Gardner, RWA National 2008, In Paring Down and Fleshing Out, makes the following points:

Outline your book, scene by scene, on individual note cards. On the bottom of each card, identify the purpose of the scene (advance plot, develop character, provide resting moment, advance subplot, turning point) and POV.

First read:

Look at the overview of the story:

1. Gripping, compelling opening scene?
2. Key plot points of the story.
3. At least 2 plot twists?
4. Ending flows from steadily, building tension?

Second read:

Identify major plot points:

• Do they move the story forward or are they a repeating pattern. Each major plot point must be fresh and needs to reveal something new.
• Do the plot points steadily build tension – more and more at stake?
• Are there resting moments to ease the tension for the characters and reader? – Comedic action, love scenes.
• Analyze major turning points. At least 2 are needed. They should take the book in a new direction, somewhere the reader didn’t see coming. Don’t forget to foreshadow so they make sense.

Third Read:

• Revisit the opening hook.
• Are too many scenes alike?
• Are the scenes fresh?
• Note point of view.
• Watch scene and sequel.
• Analyze the resolution and make sure all loose ends are tied up.

PHASES OF REVISION (in J. S. Bell’s Revision & Self Editing, 2008):

Cool-Down Phase:

Separate yourself from the first draft – a few days to 2 weeks

The Preparation Phase:

Work up a little excitement as you come to the first read-through. Use positive affirmations such as:

• This rewrite is going to make the book stronger.
• I have the tools that will make the book better.
• Great writing is rewriting with know-how, which is what I’ve got.
• Rewriting and know is the mark of a pro, and I am a pro.

Print Out Phase:

Print out the entire manuscript on clean paper.

Get Ready to Read Phase:

Get organized with all the tools your will need:

• Chair
• Desk or table
• Red felt-tip pen (or whatever color you like)
• Note pad

Read Phase:

• Read the manuscript through in a couple of sittings.
• You want to create the feeling of being a fresh reader, getting into the book for the first time.
• Don’t stop to make changes.
• Jot a few things down, notes to yourself, but keep going to get the overall impression of the book.
• Use some shorthand markings the first time through:
• A checkmark for pages where the story is dragging.
• Parentheses around incomprehensible sentences.
• A circle O in the margin where material needs to be added.
• A question mark for material that might need to be cut, changed, or doesn’t make sense.

Analysis Phase:

After the first read, make notes answering the following questions:

• Does the story make sense?
• Is the plot compelling?
• KDoes the story flow or does it seem choppy?
• Do my Lead Characters “jump off the page”?
• Are the stakes high enough?
• Is there enough of a “worry factor” for readers?
• Write yourself a revision letter as if you were an editor.

THE ULTIMATE REVISION CHECKLIST (by J. S. Bell):

Character:

• Is my Lead worth follow for a whole novel? Why?
• How can I make my Lead “jump off the page” more?
• Do my characters sufficiently contrast?
• Will readers bond to my Lead because he:
• Cares for someone other than himself?
• Is funny, irreverent, or a rebel with a cause?
• Is competent at something?
• Is an underdog facing long odds without giving up?
• Has a dream or desire readers can relate to?
• Has underserved misfortune, but doesn’t whine about it?
• Is in jeopardy or danger?

Plot:

• Is there a point where a reader might put the book down?
• Jot down ideas that occur to you at odd moments.
• Create two trajectories – personal and plot problem
• Create a calendar of what happens when.
• Revitalize your plot by upping the stakes.
• Add a character if the plot if thin. Delete characters if the plot is overweight.
• Add a “Pet the Dog” beat – a cop shoots his gun, hears something crash, spins around an points his gun at a scraggly old dog, then bends down and pets the dog.
• If you’ve used the same setting too much (kitchen, office, car, etc), change the setting. Look for a fresh venue like a outside taco stand or a jewelry stand.

Openings:

• Rev up the opening lines.
• Weed out too much back story, exposition, or characters.

Middles:

• Strengthen your opposition
• Add a subplot
• Raise the stakes
• Trim the flab
• Combine or cut characters
• Absorb a subplot that ran out of steam
• Add research

Endings:

• Pull threads together
• Create resonance
• Final twist – come up with alternative endings. The final twist should be short to avoid anti-climax.

Scenes:

• Relive your scenes
• Let the reader know where the characters are and whose POV the scene is in.
• Does the scene have one of the 4 purposes?
• Move the story through action
• Characterize through reaction
• Set up essential scenes to come
• Sprinkle in some spice
• Adjust your pace – Speed up by using short dialogue exchanges; slow down by adding action beats, thoughts, and description or elongating speeches.
• Stretch the tension – Show what is going on; don’t just tell. Can you increase the conflict?
• Cut out weak scenes OR strengthen scenes that don’t answer the following questions:
• Does the scene have an OBJECTIVE and whose POV is it in?
• Is there an OBSTACLE to the objective?
• Does the scene have an OUTCOME?

Exposition:

• Take out exposition the reader does not absolutely need to know.
• Keep in information the reader needs but:
• Change exposition to dialogue by putting in chunks of confrontational dialogue or
• Add highly tense character thoughts.

Chapter Beginnings:

Read all the chapter beginnings and ask yourself:

• Does the opening grab you? Have a hint of conflict or action?
• Do most of your chapters begin the same way? Vary them!
• Don’t start with a chapter with a character waking up.

Chapter Endings:

End with something to keep the reader interested:

• A line of moody description
• An introspection of fear or worry
• A moment of decision or intention
• A line of dialogue that intrigues
• Don’t end a chapter with the character going to sleep.

Dialogue:

• Look for words or phrases that are overused, then modify as needed.
• Look for useless adjectives, such as: very, suddenly, little, big, etc. Make them more specific or cut them.

Final Reminders:

• On EVERY page use at least one sense impression (hear, taste, see, feel, smell, emotion).
• Conflict is needed in every scene.
• Give each major character a secret.
• Don’t let your Lead character be all good or the opposition all bad.
• Write with emotion.
• Don’t ever let a coincidence help a main character get out of trouble.
• Keep a novel journal, jotting down what you learn and what works.
• Revise slow and cool.